Thinking about Marriage

On thinking about marriage, specifically the idea that sex is a sacrament, the question of why that is arose. It has been said for centuries that sex is a sacrament of marriage, but how often does one stop to actually think about what that means and why it might be so?

Sacrament, according to dictionary.com, has several meanings. 

"noun

1. Ecclesiastical. a visible sign of an inward grace, especially one of the solemn Christian rites considered to have been instituted by Jesus Christ to symbolize or confer grace: the sacraments of the Protestant churches are baptism and the Lord's Supper; the sacraments of the Roman Catholic and Greek Orthodox churches are baptism, confirmation, the Eucharist, matrimony, penance, holy orders, and extreme unction.

2. (often initial capital letter). Also called Holy Sacrament. the Eucharist or Lord's Supper.

3. the consecrated elements of the Eucharist, especially the bread.

4. something regarded as possessing a sacred character or mysterious significance.

5. a sign, token, or symbol.

6. an oath; solemn pledge." 

The meaning most likely to apply to the monogamus sex in a marriage would be numbers 4-6.

 Marriage is defined by monogamy. Mostly because the birth control options available today were not available throughout most of recorded history but also because the family unit consisting of a married father and mother and children turns out to be the most successful.

 The contract of marriage - and marriage IS a contract - is one regarding the production of children. It is a contract whose terms state that the utilization of one's bodily resources for the production of children will only be used with the other party to the contract.

Meaning number 6 is obvious enough, the usual oath or pledge of marriage is "forsaking all others" . 

Meaning number 5  refers to sexual monogamy as a sign, token or symbol that the contract is between only the two people making it. It is a sign to the rest of the world that you are no longer available as a spouse.  It is a token to each other of the dedication necessary to maintain a marriage for life and possibly raise a family. It is a symbol of the bonds that the two parties to the contract agree to in order to have a successful marriage. 

And meaning number 4 is the act of sex itself. It is a sacred act of mysterious (as well as obvious) significance because sex is the act by which new people are brought into the world. 

Isn't that a marvelous thing? Bringing a new person into the world is not always just bringing that person into the world, but all of the potential offspring of that new person as well. How could there be anything more holy, more sacred than that? 

The Jewish culture regards saving a life as saving a whole world because you may not be saving just the life of that one person, but the lives of all their potential offspring and generations beyond that as well. If that is the case for saving someone's life, then how could starting someone's life be less wonderful and holy? 

Our current culture has become so obsessed with avoiding having children (tragically to the point of actually killing them in the womb) that many young people seem to regard having a family as a disaster. Nothing could be further from the truth. Yes it is difficult,  which is an excellent reason to marry - so that you have a partner in the adventure as well as a greater chance of success - but so is almost anything that is really worth doing.  

Children are the hardest, best and most rewarding adventure in this lifetime. You can climb Everest as many times as your wallet lets you, but can it compare to the depths of sheer endurance of forever letting your heart go walking around outside your body, as Author Elizabeth Stone once put it?

Motherhood in particular has been so thoroughly demeaned and ridiculed by those with an agenda to push, that it is become altogether unfashionable. This is not only wrong, but dangerous to the nation as a whole. A nation needs children, and more, it needs children who have been trained by loving parents to be good people as well as good, informed citizens. Stay-at -home parents do yeoman's work in shaping the next generation. 

Life is precious and sex is and should be a sacrament of marriage because it brings new life into the world. The agenda pushers seem to have forgotten how valuable that is on all levels. Parenthood is and should be a badge of honor and perhaps it is time to remind the culture of that fact. 

"16 And I will bless her, and give thee a son also of her: yea, I will bless her, and she shall be a mother of nations; kings of people shall be of her." ~ Gen 17:16

Gardening

Ah, the wonder of a garden. The whole process of putting a tiny thing into the ground and Voila! a plant springs forth. A plant that I neither created nor command. A tiny miracle every time it happens. Life manifested, complete and perfect.


There is a lot to love about a garden, the flowers, the edibles, the wonderful smelling herbs that can be grown. The sheer beauty of living, growing bounty. The colors of the flowers. The feeling of self-sufficiency when you know where your veggies are coming from and whether or not chemicals/fertilizer was used and, if so, what kinds. The security of collecting and saving your own seeds from year to year. But, today, I think the best thing about a garden is the weeds. 

The weeds? How can the weeds be the best thing about a garden? Weeds make a garden. A weed is any plant that is growing where you don't want it. I know, many gardening books will tell you about this or that kind of plant that is typically considered a weed, but I don't agree. In the first place, many of those plants are edible and very nutritious.  In the second place, some are quite beautiful and fully deserving of being in a garden on their own merit.

But weeds are essential to the gardening process. They make you pay attention to your garden. If you don't weed, then your plants will suffer for it. If you don't weed, you will have a more difficult time with harvesting your plants when the time comes. (Especially if your garden's weed of choice is thistles- as mine seems to be) In other words the weeds are the "works" of your garden. You may have read in your Bible that  "For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also "(James 2:26) even though you know that "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast." (Eph 2:8-9) So, just as, by God's grace, those seeds miraculously spring into life, so too do the weeds, which are the "works" for you, to keep you tending your garden. 


In addition, weeds make you think. Sometimes a weed will come up and, if it looks interesting, I'll let it grow to find out what it is. I have gotten some lovely flowers and a few nice herbs that way. Sure, I didn't plant them, but that's no reason not to take advantage of whatever agency God used to put it into my garden to enjoy it.  So weeds make you look at, and consider what is growing and make decisions on what you will allow to grow. They make you learn to discern the good plants from the bad ones. These are good skills for life. 

Then, there is my favorite part, the weeding itself. It is an excellent way to take out frustrations or even just get away from the everything and give yourself time to think. (At least before cell phones- I advise leaving them home, or at least turning them off. The world isn't likely to explode while you are weeding and if it does, you'll be in a better mood to deal with it after you're done.) 

Finally, there is the feeling of satisfaction you get, when you stand up and look over your garden and see that it is growing well(through no agency of yours, but rather by the grace of God) and safe from the loss of garden nutrients to the weeds. I know that, even though I planted the seeds, I did not cause the plants to grow. I can still take satisfaction from knowing that I am helping them by weeding. More weeds will grow, but as long as I am diligent, they won't grow very big. That is our place in helping God. God makes the plants grow. God put life into the plants and I have a choice of helping those plants to grow and flourish, or leaving them to fight the weeds for their survival. Will some of the plants grow even with the weeds? Sure they will, God gave them life and they will fight for it just as the weeds do. My only action is to help them utilize their full potential to produce good food by keeping the weeds under control, or letting them expend some of that potential in a fight against the weeds. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but I choose to help.

It has been a very challenging and somewhat frustrating week, so if you will excuse me, I am going to weed my garden. 

I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live" ~Deut 30:19

Time, Mark Gungor and More

My apologies to my regular readers for my lack of posts over the last few weeks. It is not that there has been a dearth of things about which to post, quite the opposite in fact. I would like to be able to say that it was simply too overwhelming to address the many interesting tidbits of the last few weeks.

The truth, however, is that I was seeing entirely too many health professionals. From the doctors to schedule and go through a medical test to look into the issues I have been having with my voice over the past several months, to the dentist for a sudden and unexpected root canal. I have been overwhelmed, but by my own frailties rather than the news of the day.

My week wasn't all challenges and no rewards though. On Tuesday, I was also granted the extraordinary opportunity to sit in on the taping and broadcast of one of my favorite Internet radio shows, The Mark Gungor Show. (Basically, I was listening and heard Pastor Gungor invite fans to send them an e-mail if they would like to sit in on the show and, shrinking violet that I am, I was sending an e-mail within a few minutes of the end of the show.)

Now this is a show that I have found to be both informative and amusing. It also gives me a greater appreciation for my husband and my son. I have often recommended it to listeners of my own program, family and friends alike. It is amusing and honest in dealing with relationships. Some people find it a bit too honest, too funny and much too brutal to fall within their limited understanding and/or prejudiced preconceptions of Christianity.

Let me tell you, it is much funnier when you can watch the co-hosts throwing things at each other and making faces and gestures. I haven't laughed so much in a very long time. My face still hurts.

In addition, Mr. Gungor was gracious enough to treat us to lunch. The demonstration of good manners on display during lunch was reassuring to me, as a mother who has insisted that my son open doors and allow ladies to go first. I don't know why, but seeing men with good manners makes me appreciate the role of men in society so much more than when I see men without them. There is something inherently masculine about men behaving with respect for women. (Also one of the qualities I found most attractive in my own husband while we were dating.)

It says " Here is a confident, stable and trustworthy person." (Which may or may not be true, but that's the impression I have always gleaned from good manners in anyone.) I always enjoy the opportunity to observe couples who love and respect each other in ordinary everyday situations and Mr. and Mrs. Gungor are such a couple, so sitting down to lunch with them was a treat.

It is also always, always a treat to see competent, people working as a closely knit team. I felt very privileged to be allowed to not only observe, but participate a tiny bit in their teamwork for this series of broadcasts.

It was also my honor to be the very first listener/fan to take them up on the offer to sit in on the show. I hope that my behavior and demeanor was such as to provide a positive experience for them as well. While I am sure that over time, they will develop a process for integrating their guest listeners into their routine that is as smooth as is their process for the show, it was fascinating to be the first. In addition to observing the dynamics of a close -knit and professional team, it gave me a glimpse into yet another facet of the scintillatingly beautiful jewel that is God's creation.

I know that I may seem overly positive in my review, and perhaps having such a treat after a week and a half of health challenges will result in a naturally positive view of an experience so filled with laughter(even though there was a reasonable degree of hesitation as there always will be with new people). However, one of God's greatest gifts to us is each other.

Having had many discussions over the past months, especially here, in WI, where there have been such displays of animosity over what is, essentially a difference of basic worldviews, I cannot help but note, once again that we are all infinitely precious to God. Intrinsically valuable for who we are. Every new person is a new opportunity to examine your life through their eyes and gain a new appreciation for it. An opportunity to ask yourself, how would this person see my life? And what might I have done differently if I looked at the world as they do?

I'm not just referring to the Laugh Your Way crew here, but the waitstaff at the restaurant and the other customers as well. The police officer monitoring I-43 as I traveled up to Green Bay, the friendly service station attendant at the gas station where I stopped to stretch my legs. (I'm not as young as I used to be-car rides of an hour or more leave me stiff and sore these days. Stretching is good.)

Maybe it's just that I need to get out more. I don't resent the fact that my car is most often with my son, but I do miss being around people. It's a relatively short term sacrifice to make as he goes through college and gets started on his own life. And really, when I think about how much more I appreciate the opportunities, to meet new people when the opportunity arises, it's a blessing too. No one is perfect but that's no reason that we cant, in the words of Pastor Gungor and the Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage team, "just be nice to each other."

"And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord:

And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these." ~ Mark 12:29-31